Pavlovian Response

http://www.justsouno.wordpress.com     I'm sure you've heard about the conditioning experiments of Ivan Pavlov, i.e. Pavlov's dog. Ivan Pavlov conducted an experiment in which at the sound of a bell, his dogs began to salivate or expect food. He, basically, discovered conditioning or psychic reflexes. Stimuli in humans can create a negative or positive reaction. The smell of certain food can either create hunger or nausea. We respond or react to everything with negative or positive responsive behavior or action.

     We experience a gamut of feelings and emotions in a 24 hour period. But for some, those feelings, emotions, responses and reactions are conditioned to the extreme.

     PTSD is one such extreme. Trauma creates negative reactions to sounds and sights that would go unnoticed by most people, psychologically healthy people. Like Pavlov's bell, PTSD involves triggers: a sight, sound, smell or witnessed behavior in others, that cause an extreme emotional reaction. Children of abuse have been conditioned by such stimuli.

     When a PTSD trigger occurs due to certain significant stimuli, the reaction is horrifying. The mind and emotions automatically go back to the specific event, i.e. day, time.... that relates to the trigger. Suddenly, the mind visualizes the event, the smells, the sounds, as if it were happening all over again in the present. The emotions, the feelings. It's debilitating....the fear, racing heart, inability to think, speak, the visions playing out in the minds eye. It's happening all over again.

     Even though I'm an adult now with 25 years of therapy under my belt, I still do have triggers occasionally...not often, but occasionally. Rarely, in fact. And because of the rarity, when it does occur, it blindsides me....hits me like a ton of bricks, throwing me into an emotional spin for several days. I can't begin to describe to you the depth of emotional fear, pain, mental turmoil that occurs....just because of a sound, words said, smells, a person's behavior.

     And as a result of ALL of this, distrust. I do not, fully, trust men. My guard is up, I'm defensive, I study facial expressions, body language, I take the emotional temperature of the room, I try to predict their behavior so that it doesn't catch me off guard. Any sign of negative or questionable behavior, I'm gone.... out of the room, building, the vicinity....with my heart racing. As a result, I'm a pretty good judge of character, but still cautious. Even men that I've known for awhile, if they do not have an open personality, I immediately think they're unpredictable. I'm just waiting for them to make the wrong move, say the wrong words; I'm waiting for the anger to burst forth and show it's ugly face.

    Am I frail? no...definitely not. In fact, I'm assertive, sometimes aggressive, and I'm not afraid of confrontation. But, I am afraid of unpredictable, uncontrolled anger. I think most people are, to a certain extent. Mine extends past normal, healthy, fear. I do overreact, and I feel bad about it. But, I'm conditioned.

    I remember one time, I had volunteered to work with children for a week. Each of the volunteers were assigned 5 children to work with. One day, we were seated watching a film or something...and a little 7 year old girl sat next to me on my left. It was summer, shorts and sleeveless tops and cool in the room from air conditioning. I raised my left arm, with the intention of putting my arm around the little girls shoulder and warming her arm with my hand. As soon as I lifted my arm, the girl immediately tucked her arms, hands to her chest and ducked. The look of fear on her face, startled and sickened me. I will never forget her eyes. Pure terror. She started shaking. I did manage to comfort her. But, my God, I could feel her fear inside me. I wanted to cry for her, take all the fear and hurt away. Make her "normal" with healthy feelings. Happy, worry free. I wanted to literally scream to God at the top of my voice... ."Why?"